I was so excited for Baby #2 to arrive. Actually, I take that back. I was pretty damn scared. Mostly of being a mom of 2 under 2. But I was excited to have an “easy” birth this time around, and to meet our newest addition. My midwives kept telling me, “the 2nd one is always easier.” “You’ve already paved the way.” “Don’t worry, you won’t have to push for 7 hours this time.” ok. great! I’m excited?!
I had a learned a lot from my first experience with little miss Dylan. I’m actually not as tough as I think. And, labor really really hurts. Like a lot. It’s funny to me now, that I wanted to deliver at a birth center with no pain management. I have about a zero percent pain tolerance and really don’t like feeling anything but my best. My rock bottom is usually cloud 8. But even with the “productive pain” from labor & contractions, the all natural way is just really not my jam. More power to you if you deliver your babies without drugs. Either way though, no matter how you give birth, YOU. ARE. A. CHAMPION!
I was excited about my plan this time around. I was going to go to the hospital, get an epidural as soon as I could, watch some sweet movie while I dilated, and then push for about 15 minutes. Boom.
I think it’s funny that I still keep creating these ideal plans in my head. Time and time again, I am reminded that ultimately, we’re not in control.
I was induced on Thursday, May 31st about 10:00pm. Took an ambien and slept for for about 5 hours. (Thank God). I woke up and started getting some mild contraction. I was feeling pretty good. But when contractions started getting more intense as the day went on… I wasn’t dialting!! I got to about a 3 and said “Epidural por favor.”
Ahhhhh sweet relief.
Dilated to a 10 pain free. Then it was time to push. I had a panic attack. Well, maybe not an actual panic attack, but trauma from my 1st birth definitely resurfaced. I was terrified. After I gave myself a pep talk and got my head on straight, I finally started to push. And while I was pushing…every so often I would glance at the clock. Hours went by…
The doctors kept turning down my epidural and increasing the pitocin…which as many of you know, is not a good combination. At around 4:00am in the morning of June 2nd, the babies heart rate started getting really low. And it stayed there. From that point on, most of what I can remember is just pure chaos. I heard “code blue” (or some color code) over the speaker. I was rushed to the surgery room screaming, fully intubated, and woke up three hours later.
Waking up from anesthesia and hearing our baby boy was in the NICU was terrifying. When I first met him, it was clear that something wasn't quite right. No one was really sure what was wrong and it was an extremely scary time to say the least.
What was suppose to be an incredibly joyous time, bringing a new baby into the world, left me on my knees. Crying, questioning, praying. I think I cried most of the days for the first three weeks of Jackson's life.
Soon we would get a diagnosis… craniosynostosis. A rare condition where the sutures of the skull fuse together prematurely inside the womb. Multi-suture craniosynostosis... an even more rare condition commonly associated with a list of syndromes like Pfeiffer, Crouzon, Apert… We were blindsided and devastated. Jack will be having surgery very soon to release the sutures and allow his brain to grow properly. We are anticipating other surgeries as he gets bigger too.
While experiencing the most pain I have ever felt, physically & emotionally, it was so beautiful experiencing all the love from friends & family who rallied behind us and lifted us up!
We have a long road ahead of us, but we know for sure is God is good. He doesn't make mistakes. We have found so much comfort leaning on Him and we know for certain Jack has a big calling on his life. He is a champ…and actually sleeps too!! We are so blessed to be his parents and appreciate all your love and prayers!